i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize