You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I stole a fireplace last night.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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