Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
40s are totally the cure
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Randomize
