I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize