Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
