I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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