I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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