I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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