i think my mom watched the whole time
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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