We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
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