Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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