She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
