I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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