hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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