Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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