you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
