do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
