his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
