you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
