ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
