You made me cry and you don't even care
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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