You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
