Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
