I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Randomize
