if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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