When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
