Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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