How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
