that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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