you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
