By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
