Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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