he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
