We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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