I accidentally had phone sex last night
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize