Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
