Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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