No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
