This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
