He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
