I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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