Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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