Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
