I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
