is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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