he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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