i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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