the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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