why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
