so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
