HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
