I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
