dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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