just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
