i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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