singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
