I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
