My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
