come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
