Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
