I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
