smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
We had sex on a dog bed..
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
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