I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
